Sunday, May 9, 2010

Dear Momma,

I just want to write you to and tell you how very much I miss you. Mother's Day is not the same without you. This week begins the anniversary of the last week of your life. This time 2 years ago, I was settling in after enjoying being smothered with love by my boys. There's nothing different in that sense this year. My boys made me a cake and cupcakes (I soooo wish I could show you the pictures and video of that!), and JRay, being the charming little sweetheart that he is, smothered me in hugs and kisses all day. I wanted to sit in your usual spot at church today, but it was taken when we got into the sanctuary. Multiple times throughout the service I thought of you. I thought of how much I wish I could look to my left to that spot, and you would suddenly be there, and this nightmare would be over. But.... you weren't, and it isn't.

But, I realize now that while my heart aches so very much to see you and talk to you again... 2 years is long enough to wallow in self pity. While my pain is still VERY real... my desire is to no longer sit around grieving by moping. I want to grieve by celebrating YOU. That's what Mother's Day is all about, right? You were such an amazing woman. Your mark on this world was quiet, but huge. We learned this morning of the mother who provided her last bit of meal and oil for Elijah. She had a young son, and was a widow, but God told her not to fear, and she put Him first. Her "trademark" was one of faith. Yours was that of selflessness, compassion, and LOVE. You loved everyone. There was no one who ever met you that could say they didn't love you. Even your mother-in-law, that you argued with over many things for most of your life, testified to your amazing capacity to love in her final days. What a testimony that is! You ALWAYS put your own needs aside to minister to others in whatever way God was laying on your heart at the time. You dipped into your tight budget to buy groceries for those in need, and I was included in that more than once, as were both of my brothers. You dropped everything at the drop of a hat to go be by the side of someone whose loved one laid sick and even dying in the hospital. Your funeral was full of stories from people I barely knew that attested to this. You put your world on hold to sit in the waiting room when I laid in ICU with my diabetes, and my own husband wasn't there. You spent hours upon hours when my 4 month old infant was in the hospital with pneumonia, just sitting and keeping me company, and holding him so that I could shower, eat, and stretch. You spent many a day and night sitting in a crowded little hospital room, eating disgusting hospital food, neglecting your own health needs when I was a pre-teen in and out of the hospital. You took food to those who were sick and hurting. You called those you know who were down and out. I could go on and on and on with the praises I could sing of your compassion and willingness to put EVERYTHING in your own life on hold to minister to and love others. And you did it all out of a PURE LOVE that comes only from God. You didn't do it for fame. Most people never even knew the things you did for others, because you did them quietly, and behind the scenes.

My prayer, and my goal, is to be HALF the mother, and WOMAN OF GOD that you were. Your love lives on in me, and I want to do it right. Please ask God to give you a hug and kiss from me, and each of my sweet children. JRay misses you very much, and talks of you often. Nate, while he only knew you for just under a year, will never cease to be told stories of you. And I know that he WILL know you one day!

I love you, Momma. Always have, and always will. The values and gift of love and compassion that have passed on to me are treasures that I value above all things. You truly are valued

Proverbs 31 (KJV):

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

You truly were a Proverbs 31 woman, Momma. The best part of it was that you didn't know it. You were so humble and meek.

Your rotten, no good, spoiled, but heartbroken and PROUD daughter Brooke

My Crazy Life

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I am a Christian wife and homeschooling mom of two precious boys. I enjoy photography and spending time with my family, along with any other hobby I can manage to dig my nails into. I'm married to PJ, God's precious gift to me ;) I'm honest, passionate, and find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my Creator each and every day that passes. I was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic at the age of 10. I chose not to care about my health then, and am paying the price now with multiple complications including kidney damage and neuropathy. I currently reside in Florida, where God led my family in February of 2011, but my heart is, and will forever be, in Alabama.