Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Mask

So, I've really held back on sharing this. It's personal, and something I wrote just to put my feelings on paper. You know, therapy. I never intended to show it to anyone, even PJ. But I kinda NEEDED to share it, know what I mean? Then I decided I'd only share on my private local moms forum, where I have all my close, dear friends. But, I feel a pull, maybe the Lord, speaking to me to post it publically. I know I"m not the only person going through this, with these emotions. So maybe it will speak to someone, other than me.

My Mask

This mask that I wear
Leaves you unaware
Of the pain that I feel
This pain that's so real.

Day after day
It goes on close and tight
And it hides all I feel
Long into the night.

At a small moment in time
It comes off for a breath
Don't look at what's there
I don't want you to see.

The tears have formed canyons
In my once lively face.
How I long for the time
When all was in place.

So I put it back on
With its forced little smile
And pray I can fool you
For just a little while.

Brooke S. McIntire

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Bittersweet 37th

Today marks 37 years since Mom and Dad said "I Do". Who would've thought how much those two words could mean? I mean, two very simple little words that carry so many tears, joys, laughter, pain, and so many more emotions. So many years Mom spent holding on to those words, praying Daddy would finally grasp them. Then, after he did, so many years they spent holding on those words praying their children would grasp them. Have we? I'd like to think we did, but I doubt it. 2 months have passed since we said goodbye to Momma. Those two short months, 70 days, might as well be 70 years. It feels like it has been so many many years since I've seen Momma. My heart aches so much to see her again, to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her I love her. But this day isn't about me. It's about the day that my parents made a committment to one another, and through LOTS of pain and heartache, they stuck by those two sweet, simple, but so complex words. How many times could Mom have given up on Dad in those early years? Only they can really answer that, and I doubt even they can. What if she had? I wouldn't be here. My boys wouldn't be here. But she didn't. The love my mother had didn't come from the world. Or from friends telling her he wasn't worth it. It came from within. From the strength that only God could give her. And I'm so grateful that she had it. My parents took years of pain and hardship and turned it into the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my 27 years.

Daddy decided to take a trip for their anniversary. He loaded up his rental car on Monday and headed northward to the lighthouses. Mom loved lighthouses. Particularly Cape Hatteras, and always dreamed of visiting them. So this morning, as I sit here typing this, I imagine Daddy, if not sleeping, is probably preparing to visit Cape Hatteras for Mom. I figure she's already there, waiting for him. So enjoy your time alone with her, Daddy. I love you, and I"m thinking of you and Momma today. What you two had was so beautiful, and I pray that PJ and I will have that. I miss you so much Momma. My heart hurts more every day that passes that I don't see you or hear your voice on the other end of the phone. But today is about you and Daddy, and the love that you shared, and still share. I"m so grateful for that truest of loves. Thank you both for sticking with it. Your love was truly something to be admired. I love you Daddy for being so true to Mom after you found the Lord, and for loving us through all of our stupid rebellions. I hold you so close in my heart today and every day. My heart hurts for you.

On July 23, 1971, there were many more than two lives connected. An entire family began, a family that continues to branch out into a beautiful, thriving, growing family tree. The world forever changed that day, and continues to change even more so every day as a result of just one day, and two simple words that hold more meaning than any other words in the universal language of love.

I don't have a picture of Mom and Dad's wedding day on my compter, but here is a sweet one (of poor quality, sorry) of them at my oldest brother's wedding just before their (32nd?) anniversary. Look at the love still shared between them after so many years and heartaches. I dream of having this.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Too funny to keep to myself



So, my precious Daddy bought me an electric piano. I've been talking about how I really want to learn to play (played trumpet, french horn, and clarinet in High School), so he came through my door last night with this gigantic box that was taller than him I think :) (ok, I may be stretching it, but it was close!). I've had a blast with it, learning the correct fingerings, etc. I'm not the only one though. I may very well have the next Beethoven on my hands :) Nate is constantly trying to climb up my let to play, also. I have felt since I was pregnant with him that he may have a musical gift. He has been "singing" since he was very little, like, a few months old little. And he is always dancing and banging out a beat on anything that his little hands can make noise on. So I think he may very well have a wonderful gift from God :) Although my family isn't very musical (love ya'll anyway!), they all love it, PJ's family is pretty gifted in the musical/vocal areas. So we shall see!

Here's a pic of my new gift, and my special gift enjoying it!


My Crazy Life

My photo
I am a Christian wife and homeschooling mom of two precious boys. I enjoy photography and spending time with my family, along with any other hobby I can manage to dig my nails into. I'm married to PJ, God's precious gift to me ;) I'm honest, passionate, and find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my Creator each and every day that passes. I was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic at the age of 10. I chose not to care about my health then, and am paying the price now with multiple complications including kidney damage and neuropathy. I currently reside in Florida, where God led my family in February of 2011, but my heart is, and will forever be, in Alabama.