Monday, June 25, 2012

Monday Musings

* We are watching Tropical Storm Debby closely. Her exact landfall point is currently changing with each new update. This is our first storm since moving to the Gulf Coast. It has been a very enlightening experience. She's been slow, moody, and unpredictable.

* We had a communion service at church yesterday. God revealed a lot to me during this time. My depression has been crippling my relationship with Him, and I've been letting it. I miss the closeness I once had with Him. I miss being so in love with Him that every thought centered on Him. I want to find that place again. I'm tired of being sad, insecure, lonely, and angry. I keep searching for Him, but I can't seem to quite find Him. But He found me yesterday. I've had such peace and overwhelming emotion since that moment. 

* Money is really tight. Bills are past due. Work has been slow. This is NOT what we moved to Florida for. This is not what I uprooted my life and my family's lives for. But, God assured me yesterday that He's got this. And that He will supply all of my NEEDS. Including those life-sustaining supplies and meds I'm getting low on. Just gotta keep trusting HIM, not Brooke. I'm bad about that, being the control freak that I am.

* What happens to us that we are so CLOSE to God one day, comletely focused on Him and having Him consume our every thought, and the next we are searching for Him and unable to find Him? I mean, when you never stop looking for Him, but wake up one day and realize that there is an entire mountain range standing between you and your Beloved. How does that happen? 

* VBS was last week. The youth helped out, so both boys were there all week. JRay helped in the kitchen, and Nate was placed with the K-2 age group. I'm thinking he wasn't quite ready for that group yet since he only just turned 5 less than a month ago, but he still had a blast the entire week. He couldn't ever tell me what they learned, but he knew they were chasing the Light! He made himself center stage during the show on Friday night. Rolling around on the stage, creating a mosh pit with the wall, etc. He just makes me so proud. 

* We cleaned house after church yesterday. I've not felt well for several weeks now. Probably more like several months. I've had zero energy and have really struggled with keeping things done. So the house was really getting to an unbearable point. Momma went on a rampage after we got home, and needless to say, we all worked together and I am able to rest with the boys in a CLEAN house today. It's such a great feeling. I miss feeling like myself. 

* I got a porch swing off of Freecycle. It just needs cushions. Those aren't as easy to find as I expected, but I'm determined. So many precious memories with my Momma were made on her porch swing. Right now it's sitting in the front driveway next to the house waiting to be used. It may turn out to be my new counselor ;)

* I love my husband ;) He is so good to me, so understanding, compassionate, and loving. He gets that I'm not myself these days, and really goes out of his way to shoulder more of my load, on top of his own already heavy burdens. I couldn't ask for a better man to share my life with. I don't share that with him enough. I need to work on that.

* I'm so sick of religion. It's been on my heart for so long now. I'm disgusted with what "the church" has become. We spend so much time arguing denomination, that we miss the people staring us in the face that just need to be loved. We spend so much time looking for that perfect church, with perfect worship, the right message, that we totally miss the point of it all. It's not about what the church does inside those walls on Sunday morning. It's about what we do OUTSIDE those walls the rest of the week. We are called to LOVE one another. We spend so much time judging one another we forget how to love. I'm not saying that we should ignore the rest of the Word, but at the heart of it all is LOVE (1 Cor. 13). When we let His love work through us, the rest falls into place. There's no room in it all for religion. Religion is for the Pharisees.

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sundrop32 said...

Nice blog there!

I share a lot of your feeling on letting things come before God a lot of times. All I know is I HAVE to have time with God...EVERYDAY!!!

And we are selling our home soon using no realtor and believing God will sell it quickly! So, we have lots of work, WORK. My attitude is murmuring and complaining, making the work seem like more. The thing is we both clearly heard God say, clean your house and it will sell.

So, seems like I should be like....whoo hoo, obey God in this and we are out of here. Because we are selling the house to move to North Carolina! So, it seems like I should have a better attitude. It is the enemy. I decided today to say the opposite of what is in my head, the negative.

I was just reading Romans 4, the chapter that talks about Abraham having no natural reason to hope that God would give him a true son. But he hoped on anyway, having NO distrust in God's power and ability to do as He had promised! That got me to thinking about how we have the Bible, a history book of the great things God has done, is doing and will do! Abraham just had whatever teaching his father passed on to him and what God spoke to him. How did he do it? The Word is my Lifeline. I feel blessed. And at the same time humbled into seeing if Abraham can believe without having as much History.... Why cannot I believe! You know?

Thanks for being real in your blog!

Afreen Khan said...

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I am a Christian wife and homeschooling mom of two precious boys. I enjoy photography and spending time with my family, along with any other hobby I can manage to dig my nails into. I'm married to PJ, God's precious gift to me ;) I'm honest, passionate, and find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with my Creator each and every day that passes. I was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic at the age of 10. I chose not to care about my health then, and am paying the price now with multiple complications including kidney damage and neuropathy. I currently reside in Florida, where God led my family in February of 2011, but my heart is, and will forever be, in Alabama.