Self Esteem Take 2

Ok-so let's continue that topic. I want to pick back up with Romans 12:3. There's A LOT in that little verse, I think. And trust me when I tell you, we're picking this apart together, because I'm still trying to understand it myself.

Romans 12:3-"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith"

So, think soberly. Ok, there's that whole issue. Should Christians drink? Is it a sin? I personally don't believe that the act of drinking is a sin, but I do not believe Christians should drink. The Bible really isn't black and white on this one. No where in the Bible does it say not to consume alcohol. BUT-here, it says to think soberly. So drunkenness is a sin then? That's what I take from it. You'll have to work this topic out between yourself and the Lord, though. That's not really where I want to hover...let's move on.

What about this "measure" of faith that He's dealt to each one? What exactly IS a measure of faith? We go to Ephesians 4:7;

"But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift."

There's that measure again. How much is a "measure"? Where do we find the answer to this? What is Paul referring to? Let's dig some more, shall we?

In my searches of the vast world wide web so far, I've seen one guy say that we don't get faith by ourselves. That God determines how much faith we have, and deals it to each one accordingly, using certain measures to determine how much you get. Ok... really? I can't seem to even BEGIN to believe that. If that were the case, then why does God even tell us to have faith in Him? If he's already dealt it out and knows how much faith we have, why does He test our faith? Sounds like this guy is of that predestination crowd. No thanks... I"ll keep searching my Bible.

So now what? I still don't have answers to what a "measure" of faith is? So far we have:
1. a measure of faith (Rom. 12:3)
2. a measure of Christ's gift (Eph. 4:7)

How can one word stump me so much? How is that this one word is keeping me from fully understanding this scripture, and what I need to take from it? Am I reading too far into it? I don't think so... I really feel that this "measure" of faith will help me to understand the original issue-how much self esteem is too much?

Stay tuned for more as I seek God on this. Please, feel free to add your comments/suggestions.

Self Esteem

So last night, we went to a Christmas show put on by a church at a local golf resort. So, the majority of the people there were of the economic status that most people who frequent golf resorts are. Which is well, way above mine :) Anyone who knows me WELL knows that I struggle with self esteem issues. I always have. My beautiful mother, God rest her precious soul, handed this trait down to me. You would think that seeing the huge impact she made with her service to God on this world, even though she thought she was "no one", would open my eyes. So this event was nice. REALLY nice. Get my drift? I mean, it was fun, I did enjoy the show, don't get me wrong. But I get REALLY uncomfortable around "upper class" people. It's nothing more than insecurity on my part.

So this has had me thinking all night. I mean, as a Christian, I should have better self esteem, right? God thinks I am good enough to send his son to die for me, so I must be pretty good? Right???? But really, even my precious Momma wasn't good enough for Heaven. Neither am I. Neither are you. It's hard to understand this issue. God loves us SO MUCH He'd send His son to die for us. Now, think about that, ok? As a mother, I'd die for my children in a heartbeat! But you can bet your bottom I would NOT send my son to die for you. NO WAY! I couldn't do it. Anyway...getting OT. So how am I SUPPOSED to feel about myself? Am I supposed to think highly of myself? Or lowly? How often did Paul speak of himself highly? Never, right? Time and time again we hear those we all regard as such wonderful men of God in the Bible cry out to God, and ask Him why He chose them, they're not worthy!?

Philippians 2:3 says "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself". Ok, I have the lowliness of mind down pat. What about esteeming others better than himself? I have a hard time with that. I can't STAND people who think they're better than me, yet I often feel like everyone is better than me? So where's the black/white? I'm kind of tired of living in the grey. Again, with God, it's all or nothing. There is no grey.

Romans 12:3-"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith". Ok... so don't think higher than I ought to think... so am I allotted an amount of "highly" to think of myself? Or is it just simply that I am to continue thinking of myself as lowly, and pray for others, and not concern myself with them not doing the same? Let God handle it?

I'm sure this all makes NO SENSE. These are, as always, just the ramblings of a forgiven but often times confused and searching Momma. God help me to hear what You have to say, and to trust You to lead me in the way that You'd have me to go.

Storms

So, it's nice and stormy here tonight. I decide to use this as a photographic opportunity, and opened the door, set up the tripod and camera, set a 30 second exposure, and spent about 20 minutes taking pictures. I saved 20 pictures from that shoot, and what amazed me is that through that time, although there might have been a teenie flash of lightening here and there that didn't seem to affect the exposure, the color of the sky changed. This was not visible to the naked eye, only on the camera's sensor. It went from orange to green, back to orange, etc. I have no idea why this is. I have an email in to the local meteorologist with the pictures asking him why :) So if I get an answer I'll let you know what he says. Anyway, here are the pics. Of course this was with no flash (hence the 30 second exposure time). Some of you will understand what I"m talking about, others won't LOL. Regardless, enjoy the show :) Oh, the 2nd shot and the last shot both contained a fairly bright flash of lightening near the end of the exposure.

Bridge Street Town Centre

So, Thanksgiving night the extended fam and I took a stroll through Bridge Street Town Centre in Huntsville, AL. We wanted to see the decorations and huge Christmas tree. It was so mesmerizing. The beauty, and serenity that place holds is breathtaking.

Here are a few shots I took. **Warning-VERY picture heavy**















The rest can be seen here

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Heart of Thanksgiving

I've had some time to think on Thanksgiving. Obviously, with the loss of Momma this year, I was not really in the "mood" for Thanksgiving, and was dreading Christmas. But, I went to Brent's church yesterday, and his message made so much sense to me. God used my own brother, who is going through the same emotions I"m feeling, to help me to see just what I DO have to be thankful for.

Yes, I'm sad. I'm angry at times. I want my Momma back. But-there's no doubt about, I am loved. Not only by much church family, and my immediate family. I have come to realize how much I am loved by my extended family. My precious in-laws have been there for us time and time again. And while I loved them, and was grateful for their help, I wasn't grateful for THEM. God opened my eyes this weekend to see that I have so much to be grateful for. Instead of feeling deprived of my Momma, I'm so grateful that she is no longer in pain, she is with our Savior. She is singing, and dancing, and praising Him with no hurt, no health issues, NO STRESS. She has nothing to worry about anymore. I have my wonderful husband, who despite my moodiness, my depression, my incessant fits about not understanding why life is the way it is, loves me. He cares for me. He takes care of me. I love you PJ, and I am VERY grateful for YOU. I have two amazing boys. I get upset so often that I can not have more children, but instead it's time I realize just HOW BLESSED I am to have 2 healthy, loving, smart, and just BEAUTIFUL children, who love me no matter what. Who look at me through eyes unclouded with judgement. They love me just as much when I punish them as they do when I smother them with kisses! I love you Justin and Nate, and I am SO GRATEFUL for you! I have come to realize that instead of being angry with my Daddy for remarrying so quickly after Momma's death, I'm indeed grateful that he has been able to find happiness again. I"m still dealing with this area, but God is bringing me through it. And I love my Daddy, and Karen, and am grateful for them both. I have a home, I have heat, I have food, and I have clothing. None of them are high class, or even GOOD by most standards. But, they are much better than sleeping under the bridge with nothing more than the clothes on my back and the tent or box that I sleep in. I am grateful for my home, in spite of how small and run down it might be. I have a car to get me to where I need to go. It might be old, it might be falling apart as well, but, it gets me there. I do not have to walk or ride a bike to where I need to go.

And, last, but most importantly, I have breath. Goodness knows my health is not good by any means. I get so disgusted with having to do all the insulin and watching what I eat, the nerve damage, the painful arthritis in my spine and joints. But, I am breathing. I am here, spending another minute with all those previously mentioned. I am not bedridden. I am not in a coma. I am not in a wheelchair, or have anything that prevents my activities. I might be limitied in my activities, but I am not prevented. For that, I am grateful!

I have A LOT to be grateful for! I bet if you really look deep, you'll find a lot too :) Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Please remember that no matter how difficult your life is, someone out there has it worse.

And I'll end with a slideshow of the boys' Christmas pics. There were many more, of course, but there were, in my opinion, the best :) JRay did so awesome!!!!

Rather Entertaining thoughts...

So, I have just heard some rather amusing news. Computer Support Systems (PJ's ridiculous previous employer) is now suing S3 Integration (PJ's most recent previous employer, that he was just let go from on Wed)for nonpayment of approximately $40,000. Does anyone else find this as hilariously amusing as I do? What goes around comes around people. This is a prime example. It's a circle of dishonesty and greed, on both sides.